It’s rainy and cold outside even though it’s May 25 and Memorial Day weekend starts tomorrow.  Last night brought in a cold front on violent winds that shook the windows and rattled the screen doors.  It was about 2:30 in the morning when the storm began, leaves blowing, branches waving frantically like arms trying to wake everyone up to prepare for the storm.  The first rumbling woke me out of a sound sleep.   I thought there had been an accident, that maybe a car had hit a tree or something but then the sky lit up with a bright white flash.  Lightening had begun.

Sleeping soundly next to me was Jackson, my best friend.  My sweet and elderly chocolate lab.  He didn’t wake at the first clap of thunder, but instead at the first flash of white light.  Strange that he saw the flash through his barely closed eyes before hearing the thunder.   I reached over to pat him and he immediately shivered.  His innocent and adoring brown eyes looked at me as if to say “Oh no.  What’s happening.  I’m scared”.  For a brief second we both thought it was just a freak strike and Jackson lolled his head back on his pillow.  But at the second blast he was fully awake and so was I.  His panting began, the shivering extending through his whole body.  I tried to hold him tight but he wouldn’t stay still.  By now the storm had intensified.  Lightening flashed in the sky every few seconds and the thunder was now a continuous rumble.  He ran around the house from room to room trying to find a way out.  Finally, I thought he might actually have to “go” so I opened the back door and out he went.

Jackson ran straight for the garden.  Naturally, where my black thumb can’t seem to keep anything alive in the best of seasons, this is where he heads to do his business.  But this time he just scampered back and forth along the fence.  At one point he looked up at me with drenched fur almost as if to say “I’m not sure how to get back”.  It took some coaxing but he eventually clambered back up the steps in a crooked line.  His joints were starting to go and going up stairs was never a straight shot any more.  By this time he was completely drenched and shivering even more.  I dried him off and we went back to bed.  But there was no sleep in our future.  I watched him and he watched me, ears pinned back, breath coming in quick bursts.

My eyes traveled over his soft brown fur, getting white now around his snout and on his paws.  Those are really the only places he is grey.  It’s so cute – the tufts of white hair between his pads.  His beard makes him very distinguished and majestic.  I can’t help but pet him endlessly, trying to soothe his fear, murmuring how much I love him.

Finally, I hear the thunder only in the distance slowly being replaced by Jackson’s soft snoring.   We stayed like this for a long time.  Times like this, when we are all alone in the dark I can get so melancholy thinking about what it will be like when he’s gone.  He is a constant source of love for me.  Always searching my eyes for something.  I’m not quite sure what – maybe just food.  Always a comfort, seeming to know when I need him to snuggle up.  It will be a loss that I cannot imagine being able to endure.  But right now he’s right here.  Soft, warm, exuding affection and love.  Sighing like a baby in his sleep.  And all I can feel is grateful for my sweet best friend.