Dear Jacob:

As I write this you are in your junior year of college at the University of Puget Sound.  You are probably going to class or getting lunch about now.  I don’t know about you but I felt like this past year, especially this past summer, was a big one for you.  Because of that it was big for me too.  I have seen you grow and change so much over the years but this year something else happened.  You took a giant leap.  I hear it in your voice, I see it in your work, in the decisions that you make and, because I’m your mama, I see it in your heart.  You are a beautiful, smart, kind and creative soul.  An old soul with a strong and bright future.  So, since I feel like we’ve turned a corner of sorts, I thought I would write to you about this and some of the many things I’ve been thinking about as you have grown up over these past 20 years.

You came into the world, not with a bang, but with a hesitant, quiet chirp.  Although you arrived a month early and without warning, you took your sweet time to surface.  When you finally did you were immediately whisked away to an incubator so your tiny lungs could grow.  I have to say I have always felt a little gypped at not being able to hold you for more than a second right away.  Although I think I more than made up for it by not letting anyone touch you for the first year of your life.

Having you was quite an experience for unexperienced parents like your Dad and I.  We stumbled around the hospital for a couple of weeks waiting for you to be strong enough to take home and then, once home, prayed that we would actually somehow figure out what to do with you.   This is not very unusual for first time parents.  No one EVER tells you what parenting actually involves or how to do it.  We obviously did figure it all out.   Very likely the hard way.  There was lots of crying – by me, not a lot of sleeping – by me, and most definitely a lot of sweating – by you.  It was pretty warm the summer you were born.  That, however, did not stop me from bundling you up in extremely cute “onesies”, pjs, hats and blankets every time we went out.  Despite our sometimes bungled efforts at caring for you, if the young adult you have become is any indication, I guess we have done a pretty good job.

The thing is, how in the world could it be that you are already in COLLEGE.  It seemed like your first 2 or 3 years of life lasted about 30 years for me.  I never ever thought I’d have to stop buying baby food and diapers.  I look at pictures of you, which by the way I do a lot these days, and remember feeling like I would always be able to carry you to the car and strap you in facing the rear of the car.  And yet here we are 20 “real” years later, you are in college a 6 hour flight away.  You’ve been to Taiwan for a semester.  You’ve stayed near campus with friends for holidays.  You’ve figured out how to get to and from various cities with and without your own transportation.  You’ve gotten an internship in a nearby city.  You get up every day.  You take a shower.  You make your own food.   You are actually in charge of things in your house.  And you do all this without my daily help and advice.  How did it happen that you are, as my Mom – your Gaba – would say “all growed up”.

The passage of time is a funny thing.  It is at once painfully slow and frighteningly fast.  Someone once said that the days pass slowly but the years, they speed by.  This is so damn true.  You will never know how much I used to look forward to coming home from work just to see you run to me arms up for a hug.  Or how purely joyful my daily runs were when you were in front of me in our jogging stroller.  Or how proud I was to see you run across a finish line in a race.   Or the awe I felt when I read the words of your first story on a typed page.  It seems like yesterday.  These things are imprinted on my mind and in my heart.  They are moments of pure joy that you have given me.  I know that there are a lot of moments of pure joy yet to come.  But these moments, these are the ones that define you and me.  These are the things that bring tears to my eyes and pride to my heart.  You are the first of my three greatest accomplishments.  Naturally, your sister and brother are my other priceless achievements.  But you are the one that paved the way and started my adventure of being a mom – the hardest but best job I will ever have.

Always Remember……. “I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as the starts shine, my baby you’ll be.”

Love, Mom