On this day, February 14th, a day I choose to call Love Day instead of the Hallmark tag of Valentine’s Day, I am reminded of my Grandmother, Eleanor Butz.  She was by far the strongest figure in our small family.  Eleanor was my Dad’s Mom and ran a tight and fiercely protected house.  We lived about 4 hours away from my Dad’s parents so visits had to be planned and required a lengthy car ride in our gold Buick Regal, which by the way came equipped with snappy gold vinyl seats.  Despite the sticky vinyl discomfort we never minded this trip to Grandma Eleanor.  Even on those cold snowy travel days when Dad would refuse to crack the windows while he smoked steadily on the Jersey Turnpike.

Eleanor Butz was a reserved woman but she could communicate an intense amount of emotion and love through her quiet presence.  Some might call her the strong silent type who said little, yet nonetheless conveyed with certainty that she was carefully watching everything and everyone.  Even when she seemed preoccupied with her knitting.  You might think that a kid would feel scared or apprehensive about the watchful eye of Grandma.  But to me, this was oddly comforting.  It made me feel safe and loved.  

I think about Grandma Eleanor on Love Day not only because of her unquestionable love for us but because of something she used to say to me every now and then.  I’m sure she said this in person but for some reason, my memory of it is much more vivid in our phone conversations.  At the end of every call, the last thing she would say to me was, “Don’t forget to love yourself.”  In my snarky teenage voice, I would say “okay” and we’d hang up.  In this moment, right now, I can still hear her voice clearly telling me to love myself.  These are two simple words but they are words that conveyed much and have resonated with me for many, many years.

Although I’ve thought about this forever, it wasn’t until recent years that I realized exactly what she meant and why it seemed so important to her to reiterate the message every time we spoke.  Now at this stage of my life, I really get it.  It seems trite and definitely overused to say simply that you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.  We all have heard this a million times and we all likely understand it to be true.  More or less anyway.  But on this 2018 Love Day, I remember her telling me to love myself and I clearly understand that this truth is far bigger than simple advice on the importance of loving others.  Somehow I believe this small quiet woman from another generation, one born of the Great Depression, knew that loving yourself was essential for any of us to live an authentic and happy life.  I don’t know if she would put it quite that way, but that is how I see it and live it.  That is truly her gift to me.  Whether she knew it or not.

So, my thought today, for myself and anyone who cares to listen, is to be sure to love yourself first.  Getting and giving valentines is certainly fun and can be a sweet pick me up.  But the best valentine you can get is from you – to you.  It is the one that exemplifies self-love.  This is the one that matters because without that your “self” becomes distorted.  You lose sight of who you really are and what really makes you happy.  And let’s face it, we are a far better example to the world and to those around us when we show what a strong, confident, self-assured person looks like.  I’m fairly certain that those folks are the ones Grandma Eleanor would find rank pretty high on the Richter scale of giving yourself the gift of love.

So, don’t forget to show yourself a little extra kindness today……..

Happy Love Day!