In these times of uncertainty and fear in the world, led by our own narcissistic and inhumane government, I feel the need to try to focus on simple things like putting one foot in front of the other and marching on.  Although there are small things we can do to try to right the freedom ship they feel vastly ineffective.  In fact, the sense of fear for the future we all face, particularly the future our children will face, can be paralyzing. There are times when the sense of seeing what history has taught us was impossible to repeat, actually happening in real time is frightening. So much so that it becomes easy, maybe even necessary, in our everyday lives to “look away” and hope that time passes quickly and without too much irreversible damage.  March on.

I have watched several historians repeatedly remind us that the events that are rolling out are straight from a well-known playbook.  One that feeds on small steps, complacency and reliance on our disbelief that this is in fact our reality.  And, of course, the wielding of well-financed power.  So many people continue to feel that this cannot possibly be real or permanent.  Sort of like my mother’s famous words: “this too shall pass”.   She of course didn’t come up with that gem of hope but certainly used it endlessly.  And yet I think for most of us our basic sense of decency and hope, together with that old adage, are what those in power are relying on.  

I don’t intend this to be a politically driven post but feel the need to express my extreme disgust and fear as a signal to anyone else feeling the same.  None of us are alone in this distress and maybe just that is helpful.

As we watch the slow and steady destruction of decency and, yes, democracy, I have begun to notice that many people, myself included, are simultaneously going through difficult personal challenges – compounding the sense of fear, loss and helplessness.  How unfair that these things are doubling down on us.  Adding to the paralysis.  It is indeed hard to find a silver lining or to not feel like everything is broken and on the fast train to . . . . . I’m not sure what.  I almost wonder if all of the larger world events have initiated a ripple effect, flowing over into our individual circumstances. It is easy to doubt your personal choices in a world that appears to be so fragile and on the verge of unavoidable wreckage.

In trying to figure out how to stay afloat while feeling broken on so many levels, I am reminded of a short and simple post I wrote a while ago “Broken and Beautiful”, which really just cites the song by Kelly Clarkson as a reminder that even though we may be damaged – after all who isn’t? – we are still beautiful in our brokenness.  You can listen to the song in that post here.  

Although I think the song was written with reference to personal circumstances – which coincidentally is right on the mark – I can also see the how the lyrics stretch to a bigger picture and may even provide a manner of thinking and acting that might help to reach the other side intact.

No one gets out of here unscathed or, in the end, alive.  And as I am very fond of saying these days, there is no time to waste.  This applies now across the board for me.  Right the wrongs as best you can.  Make amends.  Be forgiving.  Create as much peace as possible.  Try to do just one thing that gives someone hope or a tiny leg up.  

As much as I want to stay in my bubble I am acutely aware that its rim is thinning and can be easily pierced.  In some ways my bubble has already been pierced and there is a leak that has put in motion a change that I didn’t expect.  Or want but nonetheless face.  A part of me is broken and caused a change in course.  Trying to find the beauty in this brokenness is not easy.  And it is compounded by a world that appears to be breaking more every day.

We are often told these days to “stand up, be strong, don’t fear, don’t be wild or crazy just stay the course”.  But what if those things are not who you are?

What if your fear is what saves you?  

What if your spontaneity or you leaping before you look is what brings you joy? 

What if your impulsiveness sparks a new light for you? 

 Alternatively, what if your stillness is what calms you?

What if your smallness or your scars are really where your strength lives?  

What if your caustic side or your sarcasm are what you need to step forward?  

On their face all of these things may seem wrong or things you should change.   They may seem to be the broken part of you but maybe they are the mending of your brokenness.

I am not advocating that we should not change what doesn’t work or use these things as an excuse to be mean or hateful or as a crutch.  But for some, these are lifelines.  And who of us can say that they are unnecessary or wrong when we have not lived in the shoes of those who rounded a corner or came out on the other side because of them.

So, what is this post about?  Maybe a lot and maybe nothing.  I think mostly it is me blabbering about the lack of justice, the lack of humanity, how these big world things magnify the personal crises’ that many of us are also slugging our way through.  

I mentioned how unfair it is to have this doubling down of fear and uncertainty.  But maybe instead it’s time to rally your brokenness and embrace it as your strength.  Strength that will carry us through to the other side – wherever that happens to be.  And if that’s the case then it most certainly should be seen as beautiful.