Peace is such a sweet word. It is spelled with soft, light letters. It sounds sweet and kind when spoken and it resonates in a way that sparks light and calmness.

So why is it so hard to find.

I hear so many – SO MANY – people: therapists, inspirational and motivational speakers, intuitives, mediums, coaches, people of all walks of life talk about the importance of peace. Of course we hear it on a larger level, especially these days, but more importantly there is the notion of finding inner peace.

Again. why is that so hard to find.

I think this:

Peace is elusive. It is sneaky. It is often in disguise. And it looks and feels different to everyone.

We – and I am speaking about me and the other Karens at my kitchen table – have a common thread that runs through all of us, as different as we are. We have tried to find peace in all the wrong places. Right now I picture all of the Karens around the table and they are frantically nodding their heads in agreement and high-fiving each other. The speech bubbles above their heads say something like this:

“Thank God, she finally sees it.”

“I wondered how long we’d have to wait.”

“Jesus it’s exhausting waiting for her to get something. . . . “

The thing I am finally getting is that I have been lost when looking for peace. I have expected that peace would come from people, from things, from spaces, from jobs, from money, from being thinner, from being prettier. You name it.

I have whined ad nauseam to anyone who will listen that all I want is some peace. To feel whole and at rest. To feel free from worry and anxiety, anger and hurt. To just ‘be’.

The problem is that what I have been doing is trying to find peace in my person – completely outside of my person. What I have NOT done is taken this whiny wish and accepted responsibility for finding it in my self. My ability to be at peace in the world has been entirely dependent on someone or something else. Anyone or anything other than me. I don’t necessarily mean a lover or a spouse. But most definitely someone or something other than me. I have been looking for my own peace on the outside.

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Make no mistake I loved those stories. I wanted to hear them over and over again. After all they are our first ever love stories. But they certainly set us up for failure. Not many of us find a prince or princess who will ride in on a stallion, take us to their castle – with its gigantic closet – and save us. Bringing peace to us and all the land.

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As misleading as all that is, using those lovely fairy tales as an excuse for my lack of finding a peaceful existence is just that. An excuse.

Lately, as I ponder the elusiveness of peace, I have redirected my focus inward. This is not an easy transition for me. I am far more likely to feel like I have to DO something or FIND something and finally peace will be mine. Well, I have certainly done and found a lot of things in my life. And none of it has really brought the kind of peace I am talking about.

I am also realizing that peace is not a romantic concept. For some reason in my mind romance and peace go hand in hand. Thanks Cinderella. I appreciate the sweetness of the story but I think you are wrong. I also do not think that happiness and peace go hand in hand. In fact, I believe that even in moments of unhappiness, you can be at peace.

So where is it and how can I have some.

I think the probability of finding peace is all about personal acceptance. Acceptance of who we are, where we are, what we have, what we don’t have, who we are with, who we are not with . . . just acceptance of all of it. The good and the not so good together have to be enough.

Peace is not about expectations. In fact, I think peace is more about not having expectations and instead is about feeling satisfied in the moment. Feeling grateful in the moment. It is a letting down of wanting – of needing more.

I also think that peace is something that is perhaps momentary. It is probably a lot to ask of yourself to be at peace 100% of the time. But in certain moments I think it has to be possible if, and this is a big if, you will let it in.

And by the way these concepts are completely ours to own. Ours alone. And that is maybe the crux of it – the magic word – Alone.

Finding peace is most certainly tied tightly to the ability to be alone. I mean really be alone. With yourself. I don’t mean alone for an hour or a day or even a week. I also don’t necessarily mean living alone. What I mean is the aloneness that arises from being still. Being able to sit with yourself in a space that only you occupy. Space that is more than physical. More like head space. Maybe even spiritual space. Definitely quiet space. Maybe that is actually the magic word – Quiet. Quiet is something I have never been able to do – at least not without struggle.

As soon as I find myself in the quiet, even for a few minutes, I must immediately get up and do something. Put music or TV on. Do the dishes, groceries, laundry, anything. Or maybe I decide it must be time for a nap.

I simply cannot just sit with myself in the quiet. And just be. Without judgment or second guessing or criticism or self deprecation. Or expectations and want.

It’s not as if I don’t like myself. I do. Most of the time anyway. But sitting with me in the quiet causes me to be antsy. Fidgety. I am immediately in dire need of a distraction. My mind starts its spinning game. How many things can I think or worry about all at the same time, running around in circles. One stopping for extra time then being pushed out of the way by another who wants center stage. It’s exhausting.

I so envy people who sit alone – anywhere – and look completely at ease. What a concept. Being at ease with just . . . you. I have to believe that there is peace in that space. At least I hope so.

None of this comes naturally to me. And I know that it stems from fear and anxiety. The anxiety that comes from having to hear my own thoughts. Not just hear them but listen to them. Really listen to my mind and my heart – all of it. The easy pleasant things and the dark not so fun to acknowledge things. That is of course why the spinning game was born. It leaves no time for consideration or introspection. It’s like Karen 3, the runner. She is so good at this. She knows that if you keep moving you eventually are far too tired to think, to worry, to fear. But in that exhaustion there is no peace. So running doesn’t do it. It does some things but bringing peace – not so much.

Because after all if you hard stop and really listen to the quiet in your mind and your heart you might not like what they tell you. Better to keep spinning or running until you land on a better thought.

So how then can one be still and find peace. I think it’s a practice and takes a conscious effort to shut out all the voices. To stop spinning – stop running – sit alone in the quiet.

I am sure that I will have to force myself to be and stay in the quiet. And I am sure that it will not be easy to do. But I see that all the other attempts at finding peace have failed. So for peace to land safely in my lap I guess I’d better stop moving. At least sometimes.