I have been reading an extraordinary new book about 9/11, “Proud to Serve”, by Colonel Shawn P. Walsh, US Army Retired. Its focus is of course the experience of the writer but also the lesson he found in tragedy.  A lesson in leadership and how it evolves.  

Side note:  I find it incredibly coincidental that I am reading this book at the same time I have become  involved with an organization- @Speak Boldly – that largely promotes a strikingly similar approach to leadership, courage and the release of inner strength, through storytelling.

Within Colonel Walsh’s narrative of the events of that horrific day, the question he explores is this:  how and why does someone become a leader.  There are so many theories about this.

• Are you born with the instinct to lead?  
• Is  being a leader something certain people assume they have – an expectation based on how they are treated or perceived by others? 
• Are you groomed to be a leader?
• Does it somehow emerge in a moment whether you want it to and are ready – or not?
• Is it a natural progression because of your upbringing and education?

There is so much more to his story but with just this single question – how do leaders become leaders – considered against the backdrop of the 9/11 tragedy – he comes to a conclusion that I find to be most likely.

Of course all of these theories are possible. But I think the most important and impactful leaders are unexpected and probably unprepared. I think that the leaders who make the biggest difference are those ordinary people who in a moment rise up and profoundly affect others. After reading this book and actually watching this happen I am more and more convinced of this.

And naturally I am inclined to think about it within the context of my kitchen table and who sits there. Could there be a leader somewhere in the mix.  My response is “certainly not”.  But what I have begun to understand from this book and my experience with Speak Boldly, is that leadership takes many forms.  It is not one size fits all. And it often happens when least expected and maybe unwanted – but necessary.  And most importantly it can rise in the most unexpected of people. 

Leadership can be quiet or even silent.  I am realizing that it can stand unseen and tacitly in the background – but it is nonetheless powerful.  It can exist without attention or request.  And most importantly for me it exudes an unseen and inaudible impression that can fill a room.  

It is often the silent look of someone that makes you immediately feel safe, protected and you know with certainty that this is the person to watch and hear.  That this the person to follow, mirror, and attend to.  

As I write this I wonder how many of us believe that leadership shows up this way rather than being chosen or groomed.  I imagine not many.

I think that our idea of who becomes a leader in any circumstance, is often a product of expectation, the expectation of those around them. Those who look up to someone because they are well known, athletic, intellectual, highly educated, wealthy, you name it. These are things that our society values and therefore are considered to be traits of a leader. But that is a very flawed perspective.

As Proud to Serve emphasizes, and I think Speak Boldly promotes, true trustworthy leadership may not be a personality trait at all – innate or learned.  Maybe it is instead something demanded of us in moments here and there. I think I probably fall in that space.  I don’t believe I am a leader.  But I do now believe that when necessary or desired one of the Karens, maybe yet another a new one, will grab a seat at the head of the table.  Maybe she comes and goes.  Maybe she is a leader to only to certain people.  Maybe she is becoming a leader to herself.

Less and less I think being a leader is a constant projection of authority.  But instead, and maybe this is the most authentic of all leadership, it rises and provides what is necessary to an otherwise confusing, unstable and maybe volatile situation and then falls to the background.  Nonetheless remaining a stable but unassuming force.

I see now that the aura of the one projecting leadership remains constant, long after they are absent. Even as the circumstances seem under control or settled. Even as the crisis demanding leadership has faded.

Although this book is written from a military perspective and experience, and I will be the first to admit that I am as far outside of that world as is possible, it provides insight and a lesson we all should learn.

Again, I am amazed that this book has come at the same time that Speak Boldly entered my life.  Its mission quietly encourages and reinforces this same very different idea of what leadership means and how it evolves.  

I am still reading Colonel Walsh’s words and highly recommend it @proudtoserve.  I am sure I have a lot more to take from it.  But in this moment – at this place in history – there may be little that is more important than this:

“Leadership done right rarely announces itself” (Proud to Serve, Col. Walsh)

And that is probably the most significant takeaway for me. So far.

How many of us have stopped in our tracks, spun around and thought “Wow, I want to make sure I’m with them when shit goes down”. And it’s not only the giant frightening situations. It’s the little every day moments that build this. That make us feel safe and secure in our world.

What an unexpected and rare thing it is to understand that it is actually not the loud, extremely visible, wealthy person next door but instead is the one who will quietly step to the front and shield us from all that seems wrong.

You can get Colonel Walsh’s book here: Proud to Serve.