This past year and a half has been particularly difficult for my brother and I.  It actually began several years ago when our Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  Accepting this diagnosis was hard for both of us.  More for my brother because I live close to my Mom and could see what was happening daily.  He lives farther and had much less interaction.  So, of course, it was more difficult to accept.  Plus there is the added selfishness in both of us.  Who wants to believe that your parent has this awful disease – one that might easily be your disease someday.

Then our Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.  By this time our Mom was in a nursing home.  Dad lived in Florida – far from both of us.  Unlike my Mom, this diagnosis was something to fight.  And fight we did.  Despite that our Dad didn’t quite make a year from diagnosis.

When we suddenly heard that he had only  had a few weeks to live we both went to his house and took care of him through the end.  This was something I would have never thought I could do.  I’m sure my brother felt the same.  It was frightening, difficult, and painfully sad – for all 3 of us.  We became his health care provider, his advocate, his caretaker but we were always first his children.  We were together at the very end, helping in ways that shock us both even today.  Praying, singing, supporting him in any way we could.  I don’t think that we will ever be the same after that experience.  And I am sure that we will always have a special bond because of it.

Then this past Christmas held the end for our Mom.  I was here right away with her in the hospital because I live nearby.  My brother arrived soon after.  Again, we stayed with our Mom while she left us.  Another bonding and another ending.

Many people have said that we are so lucky to have been able to share this experience with both of our parents.  That most people don’t get that chance.  While I do feel that it is a gift for us, and for our parents, I mostly feel incredibly alone.  As is always the case, my brother and I have gone back to our lives.  We both have families to take care of and regular life to live.  I know that this is the way of life.  But I can’t help thinking about how we are significantly changed forever in a way that is true only for us.  Everyone will lose their parents one day and will feel that loss as only children can.  But isn’t it also true that each family, each parent and each child within their nucleus have a special bond.  A bond that can’t even be described with words.  Now the only bond left is between my brother and I.  I feel this so strongly now.  It means so much more to me than ever before.  Because, simply put, he is all I have left of my nucleus.