If you have read any of my prior posts you might remember that, generally speaking, this is a blog about the different versions of Karen who sit together around their Kitchen Table.  Each version has one very specific attribute that shows up as necessary to maintain the stability of the table.  They are randomly numbered Karen1 through Karen6

Depending on the situation and the environment at any given moment, one or another of the Karens will be quick on the scene to dictate the move that Karen – the whole person – will make next.  I have covered a lot of topics here but the overriding theme throughout is grounded in this . . . . my belief that our behavior is the result of a complex combination of DNA, individual experiences, and innate fears.  We are far from being a one-dimensional species.  And thank God for that.  Who would want to be so singular that we are completely predictable?  So, it is my theory that we each have many faces that, together, manifest the whole of the creatures that we are.

My faces are really just a bunch of Karens sitting around their Kitchen Table, trying to get along and not one-up each other . . . . . They have at once, animosity and great respect for each other.  There is no question that each one serves a very different but significant purpose.

There is one Karen who, although she showed up to the scene pretty early on, I have not specifically written about before.  This is likely because she is the one who holds all the other Karens together.  She has a separate skill set of course, as they each do, but really she is the one watching everyone else, taking it all in.  She doesn’t really show up as an independent character except to imply that she is clearly the one in charge.  She is the overall protector and organizer of the Karens.  This is Karen2 . . . .

Karen2 is in her 30’s with long blond hair.  She wears black framed military grade “birth control” glasses.  She is a lawyer and wears a grey suit, always trousers never a skirt.  Karen2 is smart and capable.  She sits with her arms on the table, hands clasped.  She usually has papers around her.  Sometimes Karen1 is sitting on her lap and sometimes she is not but regardless, Karen1 is clearly her charge.

Her posture shows that she is the one everyone will turn to for guidance.  In this way, Karen2 is very much like my Dad.  He would sit back and observe any conversation, appearing as though he was not really interested in what was being said, while truthfully he was paying very close and thoughtful attention.  He would never jump into the conversation but instead would wait until he had something to add.  Even then he would choose his words carefully, being particularly respectful of those around him.  His social acuity would cause people to say”When Bob speaks everyone listens”.  He became known for his lack of small talk and intense observation.   His influence has definitely contributed to the evolution of Karen2.

I see now that Karen2 holds a key that is much more significant than merely appearing to keep everyone in check.  She is the one grounding the table, much more so than I have ever realized before.  This Karen, the one who is watching, stabilizing the table with strong arms and yet treading lightly, is the one who has popped up most recently.

Karen2 is steady, she is determined, she is resolute.  She is most definitely a result of my decision to go to law school.  At the time, I thought that being a lawyer would give me a sense of security that I had never had before.  Because that, of course, would make everything right.  This was one of those decisions that banked on the happiness that being a lawyer would bring.  Now, years later I can hardly stop eye-rolling and laughing at that idea.

In reality, this decision HAS made everything right, just not in the way I had anticipated.  The rightness of it did not manifest in any one moment.  Instead, the decision has led me down a myriad of roads.  And in the end, I mean many, many years later, I see how right that decision was and what it has brought to my life.  This is an example of what I understand now – that almost all of my decisions and choices are part of a process, not a singular moment.  Contrary to what I have always banked on, each one is definitely not an end in itself.  These choices are not magic spells but are steps, some big, some small, along Karen’s sandy road.  But, once again, I digress.  Back to Karen2 . . . .

Karen2 has had a minimal obvious impact on the people at the Kitchen Table.  She sits.  She listens.  She governs.  She picks up the pieces.  But most importantly she doesn’t judge.  She waits.  Waits for the aftermath.  She waits for movement in each soul.  She is the smart, level-headed one who sees the cost of something, sees the benefit and then calmly calculates the best choice.   The interesting thing here is that she does not try to influence or guide any decisions.  She, much like Bob and his quiet, perceptive manner, has carved a niche in this environment and has silently agreed to be the Kitchen Table watchdog.  As she sits at the Kitchen Table, she waits for the rest of these curious women to catch on.   And like a miracle, eventually, they do.

Now I see, that this Karen is the one who has always known that it is the process that counts not the closure.  She is patient, waiting for the rightness to kick in.  She sees that life is a series of decisions that meld together to weave your own beautiful tapestry.  

Sometimes you add a thread to shore yourself up and sometimes you have to pull a thread out and release it.  The rest of the tapestry blends and fuses together filling any gap that might be left, creating a better more rich tapestry that is your personal journey.

The lesson I now acknowledge from Karen2 is to “sit tight” just like she does.  To watch your path unfold and trust the process.  Weave your tapestry in your own time.  Let the choices you make resonate with you.  Let them manifest themselves and settle into a spot that brings you exactly what you need.

The peace and joy that I have always sought and that all of my decisions have been meant to bring, if not now clear, are definitely in sight.  The patience and strength that Karen2 brings to the table have taught me to let the process unfold.  To find joy in the moment, knowing that it is part, no matter how tiny, of my ride.

Thank you Karen2.  Because of you, I am learning, slowly but surely, not to rush to see what the whole of my story will be but instead to enjoy the passage, the evolution, the weaving.