I am a Mosquito Net.  What?

I had a conversation this morning with a very good friend.  Someone I originally met on the “bike”.  Since our first ride together, we have spent some time downloading (or vomiting) the deep matters of our lives and with that has come my great respect and admiration for her.  She is an orator of the highest nature.  She is honest, open and true to herself and doesn’t hesitate – even for a second – to express herself in sometimes very raw terms.  You can find her and her orations on social media but I won’t disclose her name unless she says to do so.  I will say that when she speaks it is nearly impossible to look away.

We both arrived at our 6am ride this morning a bit early so we had a chance to chat.  Her first words to me were, “Thank God you’re here. I feel safe now that I know you are in the room”, or something like that.  She went on,  “Whenever I see that you are here, I feel safe.  I know that whatever happens to me will be OK.  I’ll survive because you have cast your net around me.”  And with a very thoughtful look, she said, “In another life, you must have been a warrior – like General Patton”.  What?  You mean the badass war hero?  But wait.  There’s more and it’s the best part.

She likened her sentiment to me being a mosquito net, safely bouncing off all mosquitos and other flying nuisances that can cause havoc with us.  At first, I thought,  “Huh. What a strange reference.”  Mosquitos and other obnoxious insects get in your eyes, ears, mouth.  They bite and then itch causing welts and other really pretty marks.  Sometimes they even cause permanent damage if they carry disease but even in the best of circumstances – they suck.  Literally as well as figuratively.  They can be an annoyance that just won’t quit.  Protection from them can be priceless.  So, within her context of safety, I got it.  Still, you have to admit it presents quite an amusing picture.

She has mentioned this particular observation to me before – maybe not the “mosquito net” but the safe place reference for sure.  The first time she mentioned this I laughed, rolled my eyes and said, “Now that’s a first”.  I thought, “how odd for someone to feel that way about me.  I don’t even feel safe in my own skin nevermind exuding that kind of presence”.   And of course, I also thought, “I wonder which Karen this comes from or if, God forbid, there is yet another one waiting in the wings for attention”.

I know, I know this all sounds ridiculous and, at first, my eye-rolling nearly caused me to fall off my bike.  My self-deprecation never wanders too far.  But then I started scrutinizing this and, all sarcasm aside for the moment, today for some reason her observation had a far greater impact on me.  As we rode, I started thinking about it in a more general sense.  And I was completely and totally immersed in gratefulness not only for her observation but for her sincerity.

A warrior?  A protector?  A safe place?  A net?  Of course, I want to believe that I am all those things for my children.  At least I hope they feel a little of that from me because God knows I would kill and die for them with no hesitation.  My Mama Bear is a precious trait and one that I will hold close to my heart forever.  In other words, don’t fuck with any of them or you will most certainly regret it.

Still.  I couldn’t imagine how I could make anyone else feel safe just by being around.  I began to go through my list.  Is it my resting bitch face the presents this feeling?  Is it Karen2, the lawyer and one who is clearly in charge?  Is it the Karenbitch who is just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce on anyone or anything that gets in her way?  I guess it could be some conglomeration of all three but I really didn’t think so.

What I think is this.  People see in us what they need at the moment.  I liken it to how the right and necessary people seem to show up just when you need them.  For a moment or a lifetime.  They can sense that you might have had an experience or two that is similar to their own.  And in you, they see and feel what they need to get to the other side.  What I don’t understand is how it could possibly be me.  I do know that I probably act a lot more confident and strong than I usually feel.  But maybe acting that way is starting to stick.  Maybe there is some truth in the notion that putting a smile on your face will eventually make you feel happy.  Maybe it’s the same principle.  The more you project the character you really want to be, the more you will become them.

At least in this instance, I think that might be it.  Projecting the appearance of strength and protection is most definitely something I strive to embody.  Maybe this is the first sign that it’s working . . . .

So, here’s to being a mosquito net – I hope mine comes with diamonds and pearls.  #LBR