Several years ago, when my kids were probably 15, 9 and 7, I realized that the most important gift I could give them was to know that they would always have each other. That they were indelibly connected and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.  We, their parents, would someday be gone but they would always have each other to lean on.

I tried to impress this on them in many different ways.  Sometimes, yelling, “Why are you fighting?  Don’t you realize that you are all you have?”  Sometimes forcing them to hang out together – just them – when they would really rather be with friends or actually anywhere but there.  And sometimes by just explaining what my interpretation of being a sibling was.  Despite my effort, this never went well.

At some point along the way, I thought of (or maybe heard somewhere) the idea of a “Sib Ship”.  A Ship that is exclusively yours – you and your siblings are the only passengers.  You can never leave this Ship, despite the many travels you will each make independently – the many events that take you through the life that is solely yours.

The thought of being stuck on a Ship with your siblings forever can be a scary one I know.  In fact, when I first trotted it out to my children, eyes were rolled, heads shaken, backs turned and words spoken that indicated they’d rather die than be stuck with each other anywhere.  Nonetheless, I carried on.  Repeating the idea over and over again.

I have a small chalkboard in my kitchen and one day several years ago I wrote: “Remember you are part of a Sib Ship” on it.  Those words have never been erased and proudly mark the entrance to the kitchen.  They have faded a bit and my daughter added a fun little love note to me in her tiny 4 or 5-year-old handwriting, something I’ll never erase either.   But there they are.  A constant reminder to them that this is their most important lot in life.  The lot is this . . . .

This Ship will go through many storms, some worse than others.  It may sometimes run aground, sometimes lallygag through a glass-like, ever calm sea, sometimes be surrounded by sharks and other times sit amongst a pod of sparkling dolphins dancing around them. They will face utter starless dark nights and blindingly sunny days invoking a round of horrifying sunburn.  They will have to endure rain, snow, wind and will likely face a race to empty the Ship of incessant incoming water.  Repairs will need to be made, holes filled, decaying boards replaced, and on and on the list goes.  And through it all, they will really only have each other.  Of course, they will have friends, family, teachers, mentors, bosses – many people in each of their beautiful lives.  But this Ship is the one constant place to which they are anchored and will undoubtedly save them time and time again.

This Sib Ship is where they will always find an answer.  They will find and give love, support, strength, admiration, solace, friendship, pride – you name it.  And most importantly they will not let it sink.  The Ship must be kept afloat no matter what.  No one can jump, be thrown or dragged overboard.  Each remains solidly linked to the Ship and to each other.

There will undoubtedly be events and people that will try to tip them over, divide them.  And sometimes those people may make a little headway.  But when push comes to shove they will be reminded of their exclusivity on this little 3 person Ship.  They will put up their hand, wrap their arms around each other and paddle away.  Safely carrying on.

I write about this today because recently I overheard my now 22, 16 and 14-year-old children fleetingly mentioning “Sib Ship”  in a random conversation.  Honestly, I almost passed out.  I couldn’t believe that any one of them had actually ever heard me.  Had ever really thought about their “siblingness” in this way.   Or had even ever looked at the chalkboard.  I always figured they were laughing it off thinking, “There goes Mom again with some crazy idea meant to make us love each other”.  But no.  They have actually listened and understood what I have been trying to imprint on their hearts and souls for all these years.  As I realized this I started crying and thought, “Ok then.  I’ve done some little thing right and maybe they will all be OK after all”.  Despite the shit that we and everyone else in the world will throw in their way.  They will stumble but they will also know that they have each other and that this is their sanctuary.  They will know that their relation”ship” is the one solid, safe and supportive place that they inhabit solely together and that is immutable.

So, today with this in mind I know that I have done my most important job.  Tomorrow?  Who knows.  But today.  Good for me.