It was a hot summer day when she noticed that a small house on the Creek was listed for sale. Not thinking much about it she decided to take a look. At first she thought, “Meh. It needs work, it’s pretty small and a house is not exactly on the top of my list of needs.” But for some reason she couldn’t get this tiny house on the Creek out of her mind. So she went back for another look. And another. And yet another. Finally, after hemming and hawing and begging for advice from any and everyone in sight, she realized that she was drawn to this space for a reason. Having made that declaration, there was no turning back. This woman – this Karen – was stubborn. She wanted what she wanted, when she wanted it. And now this space on the Creek was what she wanted.

Little did she know – or maybe deep inside she did – that it would be an uphill battle all the way.

Day after day the obstacles compounded. Most were real. Bankers asking for more than usual because she was . . . . well, herself.  Contractors fighting her decisions – “You can’t take this staircase out. How stupid. You think you can demo this yourself? Not likely”. Delays in supply delivery . . . . “Oh wait, that’ll take a few months to get here unless you pay with your first born for express shipping”.  

But some obstacles were carefully placed in her way . . . . . by her. This was, of course, nothing new. Setting up for failure was a common occurrence. Years of practice had taught her how to strategically place boulders in her path, causing her to stumble at just the right moment. Of course this was for “good reason”. True happiness was elusive and likely fleeting. Why risk it? Best to stand back, throw up her arms and create the next storm that would swirl around her, confuse matters and shove her around until she either acquiesced or stomped her feet and took charge. In fact, she was known for this kind of sabotage. Be careful, be edgy, be suspicious and be contrary. It had worked numerous times in her life, keeping her “safe” from failure. After all you can’t fail at something that you sabotage away.

But this time something had shifted. A slight nudge in her resolve opened up a place within her. One she had never found before. And so she dug her feet in the ground until the storm subsided and she acknowledged that she had committed herself to this house for a reason – all the right reasons. Nothing was going to alter that resolve. Not even her own superior sabotage skills.

Make no mistake, there were many days when she thought:  “What the fuck am I doing?  This is insane. Too much commitment. Too much risk. How will I ever and I mean EVER pull this off.” Her best friend, “fear”, and its ugly stepmother, “paralysis”, stood up and demanded recognition. She stumbled. She fell. She faced off with obstacles that would rage on and on presenting doubt every which way, some not really being settled until the 11th hour. At times the uncertainty and doubt were overwhelming. It would be so easy to say “fuck it” and let it go. To give up. To let the other Karens win. Again.

On the days that the other Karens peeked in and planted their seeds of fear, doubt and the need to run, she would force herself to remember all the things she had done over the course of her life – both big and small. All the steps taken after slapping down one or another Karen. ALL of them. Forward, backward, left, right, around and around in a circle, with some steps never actually landing. All these steps – good or bad, right or wrong were steps nonetheless. Steps that brought her to where she was. So instead, she held up her hands, pushed all the Karens back into their room, sometimes with great force and an arm she never knew she had, and marched on.

Then one day as she was swinging her sparkly new sledge hammer, she realized that this place was, in fact, much more than a house on the Creek. There was no doubt that it was an investment in the future and for her children. This was a simple enough fact. But the real meaning was so much more than that. This house on the Creek was a vessel. A vessel that held all of her confidence and surety. This was the vessel that marked a fork in the road and a choice to turn left and not right. It carried a step out of her comfort zone and a giant step into her new stronger, more capable self. A step she was taking all alone. It required forethought, commitment and conviction. She might make mistakes  but they would be HER mistakes. This was her launch into the next chapter.

Her mantra became:  “I belong here. I know what I want, I know what it can be and I am going to get it.”

And she did. Despite all the fear, anger, doubt, boulders and gaping holes in the ground, she persisted and overcame them – all of them –  whether self-imposed or thrown at her from the outside. Now almost 6 months later there is a house on the Creek that is all hers.  It is lovely. It is exactly as she imagined it would be. A peaceful refuge created by her against all odds.

She thinks every day how lucky she is to have this little place of peace and beauty. A place she fought for and created on her own. To her it is much more than a house. This vessel is her beginning. It contains all that she is and all that she is capable of. It exudes confidence, certainty, strength and not a little pride.

She said she would and she did. Meet Karen9, The Badass.

*Special thanks to @heatherheigis for the push….